Tuesday, July 30, 2013

We Are a Nation of Yaws*

Now that the City of Detroit is on its receivership knees, now that Interstate highways and bridges are showing signs of metal fatigue, embrittlement, and decay, now that post offices are being shut down all over rural US, now that schools are being privatized, and students forced into life-time indentured servitude, graduating from supposedly “public” universities $150,000 in debt, the nation has come clean with its budgetary priorities: all you groveling folks asking for handouts, listen up. Moving forward, in the interests of preserving US national security, the national budget is gonna prioritize TORTURE. Members of Congress voted 315 to 109 in favor of preserving the torture program, and research has revealed that the winners received twice as much money from “Defense” (Ambrose Bierce “War”) Industries as the losers. But all received their routine Wassermans, which they do every time they vote, keeping them in the streets, plying their trade without transmitting STDs.  Wassermans are how you keep whores healthy.

Monday, July 8, 2013

The National Security Agency Expects to Replace God by Independence Day, 2013

In a communiqué issued today, the Department of Homeland security announced it intends to replace God.  Citing God’s recent cataract operation, the Department of Homeland Security will replace God’s all-seeing eye with a global oversight system capable of scooping up information about every living thing on Earth. “From now on, our eye is on the Turtle,” declared James R. Clapper, head of the NSA, “and on the Lizard, the Snake, and on the President of the European Union. When a reporter pointed out to Mr. Clapper that as such, no President of the European Union actually exists, Mr. Clapper brushed aside his objection, saying he told the truth, “as close as he could get it.”