Severance ounds like a dry subject out
of Personnel, but maybe not so much when the candidate is an obsessive compulsive
megalomanic. Not
anyone we readily identify, of course, but just in case it ever comes up. A few strategies suggest
themselves. The problem is which approach best applies to the individual quirks of
the particular candidate.
Golden Parachute
Money helps is a time worn cliché,
but it carries several grains of truth, 7 billion to be exact, which is roughly
what a golden parachute costs these days.
Several caveats are suggested, things like non-disclosure clauses, cease
and desist clauses, and prohibition of employment in any competing concern
located less than hundreds of miles distant. Most candidates state their price,
but for sticklers, this route may not be paved so much in gold, as obstacles.
There are alternatives.
Re-Assignment
This time-worn strategy works
for certain candidates who badly need evading prosecution once their tenure comes to a close. Motivation is 9/10th of the law. Just because the strategy names Chad does not
mean the candidate needs reassignment to Chad every time, or anytime, for that
matter. It simply needs to be a very
poor country which needs the play of billions to build more boondoggles, and
other expensive but useless infrastructure, and whose president-for-life is short of bricks needed to
stretch the presidential palace three more blocks, and install gold toilet
seats throughout. Any number of shit
hole countries qualify, provided they’re appropriately needy.
Canonization
This time-worn strategy works
well when vanity needs to become statuesque. Regrettably, it requires several
steps, beatification being one of them, by-passing the Congregation of Saints
is another. But with time, patience, and emoluments for indulgence of the
candidate’s photo opportunities, it can be done at stratospheric cost. But
there is one last strategy that remains untested.
Deification
Deification is sure balls of
fire, but tricky. Essentially
it requires globalization of the godhead.
 |
| Viareggio carnival balloon |
But not just any godhead, the godhead of the personnel candidate who requires
severance, but who is loathe to call the fleet of moving vans to empty all the
desks located on all the golf courses, and in spas, and casinos, not to mention
camera-studded hotel rooms. Although all bets are off, here the results can
lord it over all others, yielding entirely more celestial bang for the buck. But
Pageantry is required, a flare for suggestive costuming, large medals preferred,
and above all, parades and military bands. Fences, Walls and Staircases are
part of the mis en scene, requiring
the candidate to mount them without any display of the sad hesitation he may have shown of
late. But this minor detail can be faked by installation of a solid gold
escalator to further dazzle the faithful.
Et Voila!
Our candidate has safely
ascended to command his rightful place. As he’s fired into Space, he elbows aside
the make-do gods of innumerable world cultures: Chinese gods, Japanese gods, African
gods, Western gods, Protestant, Catholic, and Aboriginal gods, indigenous gods,
the entire Indian pantheon, Arabic, even Tuvalese gods. Sound sacrilegious?
It works! To quote mot-juste Madeleine Albright: It’ll be
worth it.
Other news from the week:
Syria
in Seattle: Commune Defies the U.S. Regime by Pepe Escobar
This article by a foreign
correspondent contrasts black lives matter, and the deep analysis of black
panthers and other radical programs of the 60s. Black Lives Matter, founded in 2013 by
a trio of middle class, queer black women very vocal against
“hetero-patriarchy”, is a product of what University of British Columbia’s
Peter Dauvergne defines as “corporatization of activism”….Follow the money. Black
Lives Matter profited in 2016 from a humongous $100 million grant from the Ford
Foundation and other philanthropic capitalism stalwarts such as JPMorgan Chase
and the Kellogg Foundation.
Footage from 1992 shows Jeffrey Epstein and Donald
Trump at Party
If you wanna vote in
November, support
the P.O.
After years of wasted spending,
congresswomen Lee, AOC and Jayapal call to cut Pentagon budget and reprioritize programs that keep us safe.
California sanctuary law
stands after Supreme Court refuses to hear #45 appeal.
Buffalo Police Benevolent
Association forced mass resignation of ERT squad.
West Coasts Ports to shut
down for George Floyd.
Louisville Metro Council
votes to ban no-knock warrants as advocates demand arrest of three officers
(murderers) who killed Breonna Taylor..
Seattle protestors take over
city blocks to create cop-free autonomous zone.
Thousands of activist phone
calls and emails prompt Louisville Metro Council to vote unanimously to pass
Breonna’s law.
U.S. Senate panel passes
amendment baring use of troops against protestors.
Dem primary voters reject yet
another sheriff (in Ohio) who helped ICE deport immigrants.
Senate committee votes to
strip Confederate names from military bases, defying #45.
U.S. court tosses $1.4
billion judgment against former Venezuelan oil minister claiming he was not
properly notified.
Chinese medical team kicks
off mission to help Palestine’s anti-coronavirus fight.
Scottish Parliament votes for
immediate suspension of “weapons of oppression” exports to U.S.
Spain vetoes security
equipment sales to Israel over human rights
violations.
Calls to eliminate school
police intensify amid protests
Court of Human Rights deals
major blow to Israel’s war on Palestine solidarity.
UN Human Rights Council
agrees to hold hearing focused on racial inequality and discrimination that
characterizes American society.
San Francisco Bay Bridge
blocked by Black Lives Matter activists.
Berkeley Mayor introduces
proposal to ban use of chemical weapons by police.
Gangs in abandoned LA
communities arrange black/brown truce.
Over one thousand cyclists
take over NYC streets on solidarity protest ride over Williamsburgh Bridge.
ACA, restoring affirmative
action in California, passes State Assembly bringing it closer to November
ballot.
Richmond VA de-statues,
toppling confederates and Chris Columbus.
Expert say $17.5 billion
writedown by BP proves oil giant knows ‘reserves of oil and gas increasingly
worthless.’
To support ‘urgently-needed
clean and just energy transition’ 450 groups demand federal regulators rebuff
attack on community solar.
DNC’s climate council urges
party (what party?) to go beyond Biden plan, calling for fracking ban and $16
trillion renewable energy investment.
Enormous victory for LGBTQ
equality as U.S. Supreme Court affirms workplace protections.
44 journalists of color at
200-year-old Phily Inquirer stage sick-out after forcing public apology from
editorial staff for blatantly racist headline.
Schechter Award for
journalism goes to Winona LaDuke.
Citing known and potential
risks, FDA yanks emergency approval of hydroxycloroquine touted by #45 as COVID
treatment.
The National Guard Hits Atlanta!
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